Since you're gone my empty arms have nothing left to hold

So.

So.







DID

ANYTHING

ELSE

HAPPEN

okay, okay, seriously. Let's get down to it.

1) DEAR FSM THANK YOU HE'S BACK THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

Also: he's back and - and - AND HE REDEEMED HIMSELF TO THEM OH MY GOD KILL ME NOW.

2) That obviously wasn't coherent. Let's do this again.

3) So, okay, you know what felt awesome? Having Cas back in the game. Just - MISHA. HIS FACE. I MISSED IT. There were some, er, points that were totally wtf, but overall? I'm in love. Really. And gosh when they were in the car with Meg and Cas totally DIDN'T get jokes and made the barely-there smile thing that he had done in the whorehouse episode?

MY HEART, DID YOU HEAR IT BURSTING? Yeah, well.

4) Also: Dean not wanting to tell him anything and not pushing on it until it was necessary was - I couldn't. Idk if it was Jensen's face or whatever but you could see that he had given up on telling him how it was ten seconds after he understood how it was. When Cas told him that he had a good life Dean totally wanted him to keep it even if DUH HE SPENT A SEASON WITH CAS'S COAT IN THE BACK and he said it out loud that he couldn't just write Cas off.

DEAN WINCHESTER DAMN YOU and your martyr syndrome that will never make me hate you.

5) Okay, Meg wasn't as horrible as I was fearing and thank fuck there was no Caged Heat 2.0 going on, and I actually didn't mind her as much as I thought. Even if I don't like her hidden agenda and that she's the one keeping an eye on Cas now (more on that later). But - er, is Rachel Miner okay? She looked... as if her face was bloated, but it didn't look as if she just put on some weight. It seemed kinda unhealthy :/ and the acting was kind of different from her usual approach so while it might have been a conscious choice.. well. Is it just me?

6) Cas's new name was Immanuel Emmanuel?

Brb dying. (For anyone who wasn't around for the previous year or so: my bachelor thesis was pretty much about Immanuel [same meaning as Emmanuel] Kant. Every time someone mentioned the name I was being like 'oh dear LOL'. While I do get why they picked that name [the meaning] I was spending half of the time thinking about some biographer I had to read being like 'Kant really liked his name' and - whatever. Sorry. No one cares about my philosophy related rants.)

7) About that: the married thing was... well, not horrible or anything but it was brushed off so fast that - idk. If Daphne was supposed to be important maybe they'd have shown her around for more than thirty seconds, but knowing this show everyone will forget that she ever existed. Idk she seemed like some kind of convenient mcguffin? Not that it'd be news, considering what this show does with women, but it was handled poorly. That said for all the wank it caused before that episode aired it felt very.. not relevant. :/

8) SAAAAM ;_____________________________; SAM LET ME HUG YOU (and let me hug your brain - at least someone in here deals with his own darned feelings). He was so lovely when trying to help the girl. And when he told Dean he was too tired - SAM. ;__________;

9) That said... Lucifer was priceless. I don't -want- to like him too much because hey HE'S TURNING ALL MY FAVORITES INSANE but when he started singing good morning, turned on the radio and read books about narcissism syndrome and being like 'oh, that's me!'.... I couldn't help it. He's priceless.

10) Cas shifting Sam's hallucination to himself: I had more or less imagined it'd go like that, also because Misha tweeted that certain pic.

BUT.

JFC.

I.

COULDN'T. He - he - HE GAVE UP EVERYTHING AGAIN IN ORDER TO FIX HIS MISTAKES AND TO FIX SAM AND HE SAID HE'D REDEEM HIMSELF TO THE BOTH OF THEM AND HE DID because sorry but when you accept to basically go mad in order to fix what you broke, in my book he kept that promise he made Dean in the first ep.

And sorry but if I ever hear Cas bashing again or rants about him having fucked Sam up/betrayed Dean and Sam and deserving to die for that I'm going to shoot someone through the computer because seriously, if that wasn't making up for his part of wrong in everything that went down then SORRY BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IT IS.

Thank you. Cas, you flawless person, come here. I'll give you all the hugs they didn't show you getting.

11) Also: when Cas got his memories back I got the shivers. That song was totally perfect (title? Oh well, someone's going to find out soon) and UUGH EVERYTHING HE REMEMBERED WAS DEAN-RELATED AND MY HEART MY HEARTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

12) Dean telling Cas that he did the best he could and then being so what over Cas protesting that they parted badly.

Thank.

Fuck.

Finally. I needed to hear that. Or see that. I really needed to. And just.

That scene. When Cas was like it doesn't change anything and DEAN PUT THE COAT OUT OF THE CAR

I COULDN'T TAKE IT FOR THE PERFECTION IT WAS OKAY. He - HE WENT AROUND WITH THAT COAT IN THE TRUNK OF ALL THE CARS THEY SWITCHED. AND HE DID IT FOR DARNED MONTHS. AND THEN HIS FACE WHEN HE GAVE IT BACK TO CAS don't expect me to be coherent here.



LOOK AT IT. It was like - he didn't say anything but THE ACTIONS. He gave him the coat.

AND CAS PUT IT ON AND WENT AROUND SMITING DEMONS WEARING IT oh gosh I couldn't. That part was just so perfect I could weep in joy.

12) About the ending: while I -don't- like that Meg is around Cas when Cas is in that state, I can't exactly blame them for leaving him there - he looked catatonic and he's off the rails, they couldn't exactly bring him along and seeing how he is, he'd probably be safer in the psych ward. And when Dean was saying they had no friends I don't think he was referring to Cas, I think he was referring to the fact that they don't have anyone they can turn to for help with that, since Bobby's dead and Frank probably is too and it's not as if they can go and ask Crowley for help, can they? And they virtually don't know anyone else, but I don't think that it was Cas they were talking about. Also: Dean's reaction was IC - so he gets Cas back again AND then it goes to shit as usual, while I'd like for him to get fucking angry for once, I'm not surprised if he represses it/bottles it down as usual. That said, the dialogue could have been written a lot better and we could have used a half-goodbye scene (would it have taken them more than one extra minute?), but from there to saying that Dean doesn't care.. well, the rest of that ep. proves the contrary. Count that if Cas hadn't remembered anything, Dean would have probably dropped him home while beating himself internally without telling him anything about his past because he did want Cas to have his good life back - or that's how I read the entire thing. He was already set up to let him go, then he got him back, THEN Cas goes and fucks his own head up to save Sam, it's not that he doesn't care. It's that he doesn't know how to cope.

/two cents

Also since we have at least another three episodes if not more they're obviously going back for him at some point so I'll be here waiting to see how it goes on, but I'm totally okay with the current developments. I reserve the rights to be pissed later if they fuck it up, but for now? I'm like OMG YES HE'S BACK AND MY SHIP IS TOTES SAILING ITSELF even if it does it while breaking my heart and stomping on the pieces.

13) I also hope that next week is the kind of crack episode that seems crack and becomes a mindfuck because I don't know how you do a funny episode after THIS. That said I don't mind Garth there either way - I minded the godawful crappy episode he was in, not the guy himself - so we'll just see. But ugh this episode my tears now I need to go write fic where Dean goes regularly for visits at the psych ward. *plans it*

14) NO SERIOUSLY. I was unspoiled (mostly) and I was terrified that they'd rip my heart out for good and burn it, but they didn't and I'll just be here basking in it. And waiting for the fic and possibly trying to sort out the idea in the previous point. Bye, I can't possibly be much coherent anymore.



hi darling, I missed you so hard ;__________;

idk if I'll manage to do a vporn reaction this week because while I loved it I watched it after SPN and it wasn't a good idea to keep this straight, but if I don't, the SHOW KEEP ON BEING AWESOME thing is always valid.